Report: Red Sox Bullpen Killed It in Bar Trivia During Doubleheader

Report: Red Sox Bullpen Killed It in Bar Trivia During Doubleheader

BOSTON, Mass. — Following an historic collapse in September, a silver lining surfaced Friday as employees of the Cask ‘n Flagon sports bar stepped forward to defend the Red Sox trivia scores.

“These newspapers better ease up on the Sox,” waitress Cindy Lauren said. “All they want to talk about is how they went 1-18 and how they were playing Xbox. Well, I got a story for you: these guys absolutely demolished in trivia.”

Reliever Jonathan Papelbon was the first to confirm the reports, but all other pitchers soon corroborated a high score of 14,990 on one particular round of Playtime Trivia that took place during a 6-5 loss to the Orioles.

“Sometimes you just catch fire, you’ve got all your stuff going, and no one can stop you,” Papelbon said. “One question was: Which comedian’s career was launched in 1932 on the Ed Sullivan Show? And without even seeing the options, I’m like ‘That’s Jack Benny. Gotta be.’”

However, the bullpen’s resounding triumph over the bar’s weekly trivia champions, AcezUp and BeerMaiden, was not without its struggles.

“All these opera questions kept coming up and we were like, ‘OK, it’s over for us,’” said star pitcher Josh Beckett. “The only guy who knew about opera was Youk. So we’re calling and calling and he’s not answering. Finally, I just texted him and said, ‘If you care about this team, you’ll get down here right after your next at bat.’”

Added Beckett, “Never showed. We did get the one about Carmen though.”

Ultimately, the win came down to nerves and instinct.

“Believe me, until you’ve been on the big stage, you can’t imagine what it’s like,” John Lackey said. “Your keypad is sweaty, you’re six beers deep, but you still have to focus. You’re thinking, ‘Don’t go with Kevin Costner, that’s too predictable. Go with Sean Connery. Costner. Connery. Costner.’ It’s agonizing, but a win’s a win.”

In the wake of the upset, Papelbon, Beckett and Lackey reportedly demanded that the next trivia game be played on the big screen in place of the baseball in progress.

“Come on, man,” Beckett pleaded, “It’s 6-0. That game’s over.”

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