Archive | November, 2011

Nation Erupts In Anger After Boehner Buys Second Coffee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uproar began outside a Washington, D.C. Starbucks where Speaker of the House John Boehner was seen buying a venti decaf Holiday roast, his second coffee of the day. Upon the news leak, a crowd of well over one hundred gathered to effectively jeer and barricade Boehner before he was escorted out […]

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The NBA’s Amnesty Applied to The Past

One apparent stipulation of the NBA lockout ending is that each team be able to shed one hideous contract without penalty via an amnesty clause. Bill Simmons and friends have already made the decisions for the owners at Grantland.com, but the potential for this idea does not end there. Hypothetically speaking, here is what the […]

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All Broke, Lonely Clubgoers Do Is Win, Win, Win No Matter What

DENVER, Colo. — Despite having zero financial stability or valuable emotional attachment, at least 220 young men and women at Bombs Away, a Denver-based pirate-themed bar, expressed a complete certitude in having a winning lifestyle for the duration of DJ Khaled’s hit song, “All I Do Is Win”. “Every time I step up in the […]

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Indie Flasher Wants More Exposure

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local flasher Allen Whitaker expressed gratitude for his loyal throng of nonconsensual viewers on Thursday, but also felt that it was time for a larger number of citizens to see his famed penis. “First of all, to those that stand idly at bus stops and business parks, thank you,” Whitaker began. “It […]

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In Defense of Jar Jar Binks

If you’re a Star Wars fan like I am, your respect for the franchise ended about nine minutes into Episode I when the Separatist tanks failed to steamroll right over the flappy-eared insult to Jamaica known as Jar Jar Binks. Salt continued to pour into the wound when Qui-Gon Jin and Obi Wan had the […]

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About the Author

Chris O'Toole (Colorado State '12) is pursuing a Screenwriting MFA at Chapman University. He has worked for Livestrong, CBS, Examiner and other publications. Love, hate, and job offers can be sent to: chris@o2lsports.com