Categorized | Music

All Broke, Lonely Clubgoers Do Is Win, Win, Win No Matter What

DENVER, Colo. — Despite having zero financial stability or valuable emotional attachment, at least 220 young men and women at Bombs Away, a Denver-based pirate-themed bar, expressed a complete certitude in having a winning lifestyle for the duration of DJ Khaled’s hit song, “All I Do Is Win”.

“Every time I step up in the building, everybody’s hands go up!” sang 23-year old Kate Wheedle, whose entrance into a room has never prompted more excitement than a smile. “And they stay there! And they stay there!”

Sources confirmed that the sentiment of every gyrating clubgoer was one of success and fortune, even amid an atmosphere of believing that $7 was acceptable for a shot of two well liquors so long as it provided an opportunity for overweight, failing students with no job prospects to look at a fit, blonde woman without feeling a complete sense of shame.

“Got money on my mind, I can never get enough!” GED possessor John Wyatt reiterated without a hint of self-irony at his checking account being $200 overdrawn.

Further opinion and comments about the next song, LMFAO’s “Shots”, could not be gathered as all in attendance were too busy flocking to the bar to obey the continuous commands of  Lil’ Jon, a singer who has amassed a fortune from monosyllabic shouts.

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About the Author

Chris O'Toole (Colorado State '12, Chapman '15) recently finished a Screenwriting MFA. He has written for Livestrong, CBS, and other publications. Love, hate, and job offers can be sent to: otool102@mail.chapman.edu