Archive | January, 2012

Brief Review: 1984

In a way, the coinage of “Big Brother” was a detriment to the legacy of 1984. As much as the book was about the unseen hands of power stirring us wherever we fit best in their scheme, it was also about the dangers of memetics in the supposed subordinates. Apple made history with their iconic […]

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Brief Review: The Spy Who Came In From the Cold

James Patterson hears you hitting the button. James Patterson gives you the pellet. You would think that after selling hundreds of millions of copies, he would have enough money to consider taking a risk now and then. His musical polar opposite would be Radiohead. His culinary equivalent would be a ham sandwich on white bread. […]

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Domino’s Employees Begin Self-Imposed Death Sentences

ANN ARBOR, Mich. — After countless televised pizza gaffes, flubs, and screw-ups, employees of Domino’s Pizza unilaterally agreed that the only recourse was, and is, dying. When the resolution was proposed during a recent teleconference call, all 103 regional managers shrugged and said “eh, sure”, more or less. The company will roll out corresponding commercials […]

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Spam Comment Hall of Fame: Issue 1

The advent of spam has brought its due frustration and, in many cases, the utter and complete end of people biologically and/or financially. But for every sob story of a gullible individual who was electronically duped, robbed, and stranded in London with his only leads being a fake facebook profile and a disconnected cell phone […]

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Kris Kardashian Requests Respect for Daughter’s Privacy on One-Hour TV Special

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — The culmination of Kim Kardashian’s sex tape, failed public relationships with athletes, and overall fame circus came to a head on Monday as Kris Kardashian, the undisputed puppeteer behind the upheaval-for-cash schemes, firmly demanded that the vultures in the media leave Kim alone. The announcement was a shock to many who […]

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Keith Olbermann Is a Liar, And a Bad One At That

A while back, Keith Olbermann attacked one of the very few Twitter accounts that I actually follow, and I was a bit startled. Then I got around to browsing Olbermann’s Twitter feed and discovered that, with all of the people he trolls daily, it was a mathematical certainty for him to attack someone I followed. […]

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Match.com Dates Talk Past Restaurant Closing, Irritated Employees Report

MILWAUKEE, Wisc. — According to a study conducted Thursday night by disgruntled waiters, chefs, and other food service personnel, 35% of first dates arranged by Match.com result in the couple blatantly disregarding the hours of operation and the well-being of employees. Employees also found that online daters are 66% less likely to pick up on […]

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20 Sports Nicknames for Athletes Who Need Them

It’s a testament to the egotism of sports stars that they give themselves sports nicknames. It’s a testament to the sycophantic nature of fans that we allow them to be King James and the Black Mamba. I, personally, have many nicknames that I embrace but I did not create them. My favorite nickname is Dursky […]

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About the Author

Chris O'Toole (Colorado State '12) is pursuing a Screenwriting MFA at Chapman University. He has worked for Livestrong, CBS, Examiner and other publications. Love, hate, and job offers can be sent to: chris@o2lsports.com