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40 Things Better For Nuggets Fans Than Kroenke

1.  Pedophile Night at the Pepsi Center

2. Millions of bees

3. Replacing Coors with Icehouse

4. Drafting Darko in 2003

5. Making Rocky a Klansman

6. Changing the team colors to royal purple and gold

7. $ ∞ tickets

8. Semi-automatic t-shirt cannons

9. Vinny Del Negro plus total control

10. A ban on happiness

11. Nuggets Girls from Colfax

12. Brick backboards

13. The NBA lockout

14. Carmelo’s whiny bitch face on every poster

15. A $10,000 fine for dunking

16. Selling the team to Seattle. Seriously.

17. ‘Baby’ on repeat, turned to 11.

18. Highlights of the 2009 Western Conference Finals

19. A season-long match against the Miami Heat

20. And the Monstars

21. Down-tempo basketball

22. Ricin in the hot dogs

23. A bronze statue of Nick Van Exel

24. A special ceremony to light the banners of Alex English and Dan Issel ablaze

25. Introducing the Denver Butt Pluggets

26. Referring to Dikembe Mutumbo as Djimbe Mumbojumbo

27. The fiberglass basketballs

28. Literally anything. You fucking suck.

29. Head Coach Allen Iverson. (That means no practice.)

30. Smoke break time-outs

31. Going ‘Red Wedding’ on the starting five

32. Half-Court Shot to Help Cancer

33. Skip Bayless, the Altitude commentator

34. An Anthony Carter-centric offense

35. 19,000 ejector seats

36. Is the ABA still a thing?

37. McNichols Arena

38. No more hardwood. I’m thinking ball pit.

39. New uniform: jeans and sweaters

40. Being alone in a hotel room with Kobe

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About the Author

Chris O'Toole (Colorado State '12, Chapman '15) recently finished a Screenwriting MFA. He has written for Livestrong, CBS, and other publications. Love, hate, and job offers can be sent to: