O2LSports

As you may have guessed from the title, this was originally going to be an article for Cracked. However, their process for new submissions resembles a Mesozoic tar pit crossed with the bureaucracy of a DMV in Detroit. To their credit, a lot of those dinosaurs probably had it coming, licenses are issued, and daily [...]

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Taken 2 took it in the teeth with the critics, but for all the wrong reasons. None of the critics seemed to mention just what a horrible father Liam Neeson portrayed in this movie. About halfway through the film, I wondered why they didn’t call it Taken Away By Social Services. The best way to [...]

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(TL;DR;YBW) Aside from having a mentally insane director at the helm of both movies, Apocalypse Now and Dr. Strangelove are radically different movies; this is achieved by each movie’s aesthetic style. While neither film is particularly steeped in realism, they both feel real to the war experience because of the way their characters are treated. [...]

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Set in the middle of the Vietnam war, the plot of Apocalypse Now is disrupted by random and surreal pleasures for the soldiers and for the leaders of the troops. What does this mean? How does it contribute to our understanding of the traditional soldier? Surfing One of the first instances of pleasure that we [...]

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Only one word for it: wow! What a start to the mehstivities! The ceremony started off lackluster, never hit a fever pitch, and dragged on interminably; it’s all you could ask for on a night dedicated to the mediocre. The whole affair was bedazzle-studded and directionless. I was almost scared to go to the wrap [...]

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In a world… where everything… is the best or worst thing of all time… one man… fought… for mediocrity. Srsly, Internet. After almost a century of Academy Award shows and 31 years of Razzies, how has no one thought to award the most mediocre movies and actors of the year? It’s the bloodiest battle! I [...]

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Quentin Tarantino is a maddening director. His cinephilia is more well-documented than his movies themselves, and if you haven’t read about his humble movie store origins, you need only to watch his allusion-packed movies to love him or hate him.  His movie obsession, which comprises most of his movies anyway, does bring a potential problem: [...]

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If you’re a Star Wars fan like I am, your respect for the franchise ended about nine minutes into Episode I when the Separatist tanks failed to steamroll right over the flappy-eared insult to Jamaica known as Jar Jar Binks. Salt continued to pour into the wound when Qui-Gon Jin and Obi Wan had the [...]

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OBLIGATORY AND FAIRLY OBVIOUS PREFACE: Everyone on this list is here because they stopped taking risks as creative artists or never took risks in the first place. I will always, always, always support risk-taking artists, even if their art winds up being a disappointment. President Obama, You seem to have all of your bases covered [...]

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