The Chopped Drinking Game

The Chopped Drinking Game

I hate cooking. The process of driving to the store, finding the ingredients, waiting in line, waiting in the parking lot because the Ford Taurus is backing out come hell or high water, driving home, waiting for the stove to heat up, waiting for the food to cook, and waiting for the food to cool […]

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Rapper Debuts in Hall of Fame

Rapper Debuts in Hall of Fame

THE HOOD, Calif. — The Hip-Hop Hall of Fame selection committee reached a unanimous vote on Wednesday to place new rapper Young Rolla in the prestigious Hall among the likes of other rap greats, such as Jay-Z and 2Pac. According to the committee, Rolla met each of the Hall’s qualifications – consistency, legacy, cultural impact, […]

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Don’t Blame Glenn Beck

Don’t Blame Glenn Beck

By the time you read this, Glenn Beck will have been off the airwaves of Fox News for more than six months. MSNBC will have had one less idiot by which to compare themselves to in hopes of the viewer ignoring logical fallacy. Jon Stewart and his team will have spent .0003 seconds longer in […]

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Wall Street to Protesters: “You Win”

Wall Street to Protesters: “You Win”

NEW YORK, N.Y. — After 219 years of economic booms and complete collapses, Wall Street and its perpetuators met their end today, December 2nd, 2011. Analysts did not attribute the closing to the effects of the housing bubble burst, the $62 billion Bernie Madoff scheme, the lack of regulation under the Bush presidency, subprime lending, […]

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Nation Erupts In Anger After Boehner Buys Second Coffee

Nation Erupts In Anger After Boehner Buys Second Coffee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uproar began outside a Washington, D.C. Starbucks where Speaker of the House John Boehner was seen buying a venti decaf Holiday roast, his second coffee of the day. Upon the news leak, a crowd of well over one hundred gathered to effectively jeer and barricade Boehner before he was escorted out […]

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The NBA’s Amnesty Applied to The Past

The NBA’s Amnesty Applied to The Past

One apparent stipulation of the NBA lockout ending is that each team be able to shed one hideous contract without penalty via an amnesty clause. Bill Simmons and friends have already made the decisions for the owners at Grantland.com, but the potential for this idea does not end there. Hypothetically speaking, here is what the […]

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All Broke, Lonely Clubgoers Do Is Win, Win, Win No Matter What

All Broke, Lonely Clubgoers Do Is Win, Win, Win No Matter What

DENVER, Colo. — Despite having zero financial stability or valuable emotional attachment, at least 220 young men and women at Bombs Away, a Denver-based pirate-themed bar, expressed a complete certitude in having a winning lifestyle for the duration of DJ Khaled’s hit song, “All I Do Is Win”. “Every time I step up in the […]

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Indie Flasher Wants More Exposure

Indie Flasher Wants More Exposure

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local flasher Allen Whitaker expressed gratitude for his loyal throng of nonconsensual viewers on Thursday, but also felt that it was time for a larger number of citizens to see his famed penis. “First of all, to those that stand idly at bus stops and business parks, thank you,” Whitaker began. “It […]

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In Defense of Jar Jar Binks

In Defense of Jar Jar Binks

If you’re a Star Wars fan like I am, your respect for the franchise ended about nine minutes into Episode I when the Separatist tanks failed to steamroll right over the flappy-eared insult to Jamaica known as Jar Jar Binks. Salt continued to pour into the wound when Qui-Gon Jin and Obi Wan had the […]

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The Puffy Shirt

The Puffy Shirt

If there were any actual detractors to The Puffy Shirt being selected as Seinfeld’s representation in the Smithsonian Institute, I was among them. After nine seasons, I believed Seinfeld deserved better than a good sight gag; it deserved a shrine, a wing, a monument. However, when reviewing all those seasons, it was difficult to find […]

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