Tag Archive | "satire"

America In Wartime, 1962

Lovely day for football! Lovely day! The fans are filling in now, full capacity expected. It’s 72 degrees here. There’s the coach now trotting out to midfield. He’s got that steely glare. Hard to imagine his boys have lost their last three with that glare. They’re not boys. They’re men, they’re men so long as […]

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Scientists Discover Desolate Planet Populated By Cosmopolitan Magazine Staff

LOGIC-DEVOID POCKET OF SPACE — A hyper-dimensional spacecraft jettisoned from Earth eight years ago finally reached its destination of Planet 141X with all eight passengers safely touching down in the estrogen-heavy atmosphere. Preliminary photos and video showed no signs of life, but at 4 p.m. today, the scientists reported having made contact with mysterious life […]

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Wall Street to Protesters: “You Win”

NEW YORK, N.Y. — After 219 years of economic booms and complete collapses, Wall Street and its perpetuators met their end today, December 2nd, 2011. Analysts did not attribute the closing to the effects of the housing bubble burst, the $62 billion Bernie Madoff scheme, the lack of regulation under the Bush presidency, subprime lending, […]

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Nation Erupts In Anger After Boehner Buys Second Coffee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uproar began outside a Washington, D.C. Starbucks where Speaker of the House John Boehner was seen buying a venti decaf Holiday roast, his second coffee of the day. Upon the news leak, a crowd of well over one hundred gathered to effectively jeer and barricade Boehner before he was escorted out […]

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Indie Flasher Wants More Exposure

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local flasher Allen Whitaker expressed gratitude for his loyal throng of nonconsensual viewers on Thursday, but also felt that it was time for a larger number of citizens to see his famed penis. “First of all, to those that stand idly at bus stops and business parks, thank you,” Whitaker began. “It […]

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Thousands Rally in Protest of Clippers Draft

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — In an uplifting act of patriotism and sportsmanship, a crowd of about 11,000 people gathered outside of the Staples Center on Thursday to vocalize dissent over the mandatory NBA Draft of the Los Angeles Clippers. “Just senseless, brutal tragedy,” said Barbara Wilson, a Clippers season ticket holder of ten years. “Year […]

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Millionaire Rick Steves Releases New, Slightly Condescending Travel Guide

THE HAMPTONS, N.Y. — Rick Steves, traveler, entrepreneur, and author of 51 travel guidebooks, has released his newest travel book, Rick’s Rolling In Style: Traveling in Europe 2010. The book hit stores in March and has so far received mixed reviews “I picked up Rick’s latest copy because I love his travel advice. I have used […]

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About the Author

Chris O'Toole (Colorado State '12, Chapman '15) recently finished a Screenwriting MFA. He has written for Livestrong, CBS, and other publications. Love, hate, and job offers can be sent to: otool102@mail.chapman.edu